


let it go, leave it behind

by mxsicalpup



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt, Fights, M/M, laf burns his hand but idk the tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-23 23:23:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14943278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxsicalpup/pseuds/mxsicalpup
Summary: based on the dialogue prompt: “I think you’re just afraid to be happy.”otherwise known as: the one where Lafayette comes to terms with the flaws in his relationship.





	let it go, leave it behind

Laf sighed a little as he stirred the pot that sat over the stove. The pasta noodles made a crackling sound as they touched the dry part of the hot pot. The house was quiet, and as much as Laf hated the quiet, he had learned to reluctantly resign himself to it.

He knew that Alexander was a workaholic. Alexander had been the one to tell him so on their first date. He remembered the conversation vividly, remembered how they both laughed about it, remembered how Laf promised that they would deal with it if it ever got too bad. Laf figured they passed the ‘too bad’ line a few months ago, but since neither of them put in the effort to try and change that, he just sort of thought that this was the way it was going to be.

He put the spoon down on the counter to take up the other and take one step over to the saucepan. He stirred the sauce inside, the mindless action making his mind just completely blank out. It was the same actions over and over again, and they were just muscle memory at that point. He simply let himself numb out for a bit as he cooked.

The silence was broken by the soft pattering of feet on the upstairs floor, reminding Laf of Alexander’s presence in the house. He sighed softly again, started to strain the pasta in the sink. Better to call Alex down while he’s up than to call him down while he’s in the middle of a sentence. “Mon amour, please come downstairs, dinner is almost ready.”

“Mmh.”

“It is pasta, in case you were wondering. Please wash your hands.”

“Sure.” The running of the bathroom sink upstairs rang out in the quiet, and Laf reached to grab the saucepan. He forgot to put an oven mitt back on to grab it, and grabbed the handle with his bare hand.

Honestly, it was the most he’d felt in a few months. The sharp pain spiked up his palm and his arm, making him yelp and jump back. His hand was pink and red, a line going straight across his palm. The saucepan clattered a little, but landed safely on the stove again. He whimpered as his eyes pricked with tears, immediately going to put his hand under cold water. It spiked more pain, but helped soothe it a little. As he calmed down from it, Alex came downstairs and blinked a little. “Did something happen?”

Laf looked over at him, turned the water off. “I just.. Wasn’t paying attention. Can you grab me the first aid kit?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” He nodded a little, looking at him before heading back up for the first aid kit. Laf looked at his hand, whined when he tried to flex it, but still took the saucepan (with an oven mitt this time) and poured the sauce overtop the pasta in each bowl to mix them both up with the butter and the cheese.

Alex came back and set the kit on the counter next to him, kissed Laf’s shoulder, grabbed his bowl and a fork and went to sit down with his phone in hand. Laf watched him before just wrapping his hand up.

The silence was thick like a woolen blanket. It laid over the air like a vice, keeping them both quiet. Aaa Laf cleaned his hand up, he started to take his metaphorical knife to cut through it. “So, Alexander, I know you have been caught up in work, but I think we both need a break from life for a while. I know you have vacation days saved up, so why don’t we use them? I was thinking somewhere in the Bahamas, or maybe renting a condo for a week in South Carolina? The beaches would be lovely this time of year. It is almost July...”

He turned to look at Alexander with his bowl in his good hand, looking at him. Alex was completely sucked into his phone screen, tapping with one hand and eating with the other. He looked tired, stressed; his shoulders were high on alert, his hair tied back in a poor excuse of a ponytail for the time being. Laf tilted his head a little, and continued staring until Alex’s shoulders somehow went up a little more, and he looked up at him. “I- What were you saying?”

Laf looked at him. “I was saying that we need a vacation, Alexander.”

“No, you know we can’t take one, I don’t have the time.”

“We can plan it for the beginning of next month-“

“That’s in two weeks, Laf, I can’t call out this early-“

“Let me speak. You have time saved. I am sure that Washington will allow you a week off so we can spend time together. You are always away and always working.”

“With good reason. And you know for a fact that we can’t go. The promotion is going to be given out next week and I have to get it.” The mention of the promotion made Laf deflate a little as he sat across from Alex at the table.

Right. The promotion.

Washington had suggested it to the top-tier workers last November. Alex wanted the spot badly, and he swore that he would do what he needed to do to get the spot, even if it killed him. And it looked like he was doing just that.

Suddenly, Laf wasn’t hungry anymore. He pushed his food around and shifted when Alex lifted his phone back up. “I just want us to have more time together,” Laf mumbled softly, settling his cheek in his palm. “After you get the promotion, can we _please_ look around for vacation spots? When was the last time we took a vacation anyways? We are long overdue-“

“Lafayette, we can’t plan a vacation. Not until things are settled at work, okay? It’s gonna be hell until then, but once it evens out, maybe we can look for vacation spots.” He looked exasperated as he looked at him, twirling the clean fork between his fingers like it was a pencil. “It’s gonna suck ass for a good while until we all catch our bearings and settle in.”

“We should have been settled in by now.”

“Why are you getting upset? I told you things were gonna be hectic until the promotion is given. Stop it.” He huffed a little, and Laf bit his lip. “Thomas makes time for Angelica. He is going for the same spot as you.”

A new flame ignited in Alexander’s eyes. One of anger, one of jealousy. “I’m sorry?”

“You heard me, Alexander. Thomas is doing the same amount of work as you and yet still has the time to make his partner happy, as well as himself.”

“I don’t understand-“

“I think you’re just afraid to be happy.”

“Lafayette, what the hell are you talking about?”

“You have been distant for the past six months, Alexander. Ever since the position opened up next to Washington, you have been nothing but distant and absorbed in your work.”

“I told you from the get-go that I was like this, Laf. I _told_ you this, I don’t understand why you’re freaking out.”

“It has been six months of minimal contact. I barely get attention, or kisses... Fuck, Alexander, when was the last time we even _considered_ having sex? Or at least being romantic? You have been nothing but selfish and inconsiderate. It is like I am not even here. It’s like I am just a roommate, or maybe even a maid. I cook and clean and do laundry and do all the things that you should be helping me with, and I cannot do it anymore.”

“Laf-“

“You are just... Selfish. Selfish and cruel and I cannot do it.” Laf stood then, tears pricking the corners of his eyes as he scooped around in his back pocket and dropped a small black box on the table. It hit with a think that sounded much louder than it should have been. “I hope you learn your lesson, Alexander. Not everyone is willing to wait for you to actually care about their presence.”

Alex just looked stunned. He looked from the black box to Laf’s face, looking at him with shock and fear and anguished all tied in a bow. “Gil...”

“I’m going. I can’t do this.”

“Gil, please, I’m sorry-“ But it was already too late. Laf was out the door within the minute. And he was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on tumblr at @mxsicalpup, feel free to leave kudos and a comment!!!


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